Struggles

I will admit it, I am struggling.

I am struggling with decisions, lack of decisions, humanity, and a dozen other emotions.  There is nothing terrible happening in my life, I have a job, transportation, a ministry I love, but I am exhausted; my emotions are constantly at the surface and I am on the verge of crying all the time.  (And nope, there is absolutely no way pregnancy is involved.)

I have been reading a couple of books recently Restless by Jennie Allen and Let's be Brave by Annie Downs.  As I have been reading these two books and working through the heart and soul questions they have been asking I have had to deal with a lot of things that I haven't wanted to talk or think about.  I have this weird thought process where I think that if I just do what I am supposed to do, according to the Bible and the church, that my life should flow fairly smoothly.  However recently in my Bible reading of Acts-2 Corinthians I don't see a smooth life.  I see a full, rich, hectic, stressful life as Paul lives a life that didn't include a safe, secure house.  He didn't have family nearby, or a wife to cook him dinner every night.  He said crazy things like being single is better for God's glory (if you are called to it) and if you weren't well live for God and do all you can while you are single.

I never wanted to be single by 31, I wanted to have a loving, adorable husband, 2-4 kids, and a dog and cat.  Instead I have 2 cats and a super busy schedule.  I love many things about who I am now, but I also have things that I wouldn't mind changing.

Would you pray with me that I would make wise choices? Think of others before myself, and not be led astray by the wicked one.